Thursday

Well, to update on the kids:

Ryan and Justin are signed up for flag football, very excited for that to start. Justin is in his final few weeks of basketball, Johnny has been the coach and is doing an amazing job! Justin has been spending much time speed stacking these days, and continues to get faster each time. Both boys are enjoying Minecraft on the computer, I can't say I totally understand it all, but I am seeing some great improvements in reading, spelling and math so that is fine with me! Justin is participating in a homeschool theater class and is going to be in the play Peter Pan, he is playing Smee, the pirate. Lots of fun running lines for that and listening to the songs! Madison is having fun with church activities and gymnastics.

My sweet gift with purchase, Chrystal, is have a great time loving on that new baby of hers. What a great little mommy she is!

I had my yearly MRI yesterday, something I will do each year, for a breast cancer screening. The people were so very nice, and I even got to listen to my favorite Christian radio station during the procedure. That, along with the many friends and family I had praying for me, was such a comfort. I should have the results in a few days.

I've been doing a Bible Study called Courageous Faith with some ladies at my church. Lots of great scriptures and bible stories of how God prepares us for the tough stuff, and how to step out in courage even when you don't know what is going to happen. So glad that God does know, and will not leave me!

Connections

There is a soup commercial out these days that has a woman calling a soup company in excitement because she is able to fit into a dress after eating their soup, the soup company representative she speaks to is a woman who is able to share her excitement in losing the weight to allow her to wear her favorite dress. The next scene is a woman who is able to fit in her "skinny" jeans as a result of eating the soup. She happens to be speaking to a male representative of the soup company, and he can't seem to muster the excitement that the woman is looking for, so she asks to speak to a woman.

We all have people we connect with for different reasons, maybe our moms and us share a sweet memory, maybe we can make a noise over the phone and our dads can immediately recognize the sound that our car is making, we might see a scene from a movie that reminds us of a first date with our now husband and that can bring back memories as well. (The opening scene from Titanic brings me back to one of my first dates with Johnny, and the funny story that goes along with it). Sometimes, only the person we share that memory with can truly understand our feelings about it.

I have those memories of times with my sister, and they many times revolve around movies and TV shows. I found myself watching, within the time span of about a week, the movies Dirty Dancing and Urban Cowboy. My sister and I had lines from those movies the that would bring us to laughter to the point of tears. We also shared a love of the TV show Friends. One episode that we particularly found funny was the "Yemen" episode where Chandler, in an effort to get away from his girlfriend without hurting her feelings by breaking up with her, tells her that his company is transferring him to Yemen. Now, I admit, before that episode, I had never even heard of the country of Yemen, and I'm not sure I could tell you where it is today. I do know, that I can't participate in a serious adult conversation about Yemen without cracking a smile. My sister and I always looked forward to seeing the athletes from Yemen at the Olympics.

Those are things that I shared with my sister, that nobody will ever be able to relate to me with on the same level that she did. That is my "new normal" I here that phrase a lot these days, but nothing seems normal about not having my sister here. I wasn't able to call when our favorite movies were on, or when the Yemen episode of Friends was on last week.

But when those times occur, and they will, I can trust that God will walk me through that. And maybe use those as times to remember those other great things about my sister, her laugh, her heart for others and her love of my children. Use those times to remember the ones that are here with me now, and love on them the way she would want me to. (And her sympathy for Johnny as I ask millions of questions throughout a football game: What is a down again, and how many do they get? How do they remember the plays? Why does the coach put that card over his mouth when he speaks, does he really think someone is reading his lips and will then give away the next play?)

All I Have Needed....

I was reading in Lamentations this morning, Chapter 3, Verses 21-24: Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning: great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

The holidays are among us, and with that, the realization that this is the first Christmas without my sweet sister here. As we were celebrating Thanksgiving, I recalled a time when my parents and I were meeting Brenda's future in-laws at a Thanksgiving meal. Prior to that, my mom had mentioned how funny it would be to dress in traditional pilgrim costumes and show up like that. Now, we didn't do that, but just the thought of it made me really nervous about my parents meeting Johnny for the first time years later. Memories like that bring back laughter, as do the memories I had while watching the Friends marathon last week. Those are things that I can look back on and smile, but with those smiles also come tears at times. I just miss her so much.

Christmas cards will be arriving in the mail soon, and the thought that there won't be one from Brenda cuts to my core at times. She always wanted her card to be the first one I received. ( I, on the other hand, rarely get my cards out much before Christmas Eve). She always made a special trip out on Christmas Eve to see my children and bring them their gifts. I loved talking with her about her preparations for Christmas at her work, what she was getting everyone, etc. Those are things that won't happen this year.

But, with that, I still have a family here, and much to celebrate. So how do I do that? I recall that verse from Lamentations, and remember that God will give me what I need to make it through each day, each hour, each minute. I will not be consumed by my grief and pain, because God loves me and He will carry me through this.

And, as much as I miss her, I also know that she is celebrating the Christmas with Jesus, and what a celebration I imagine that to be!

All I have needed, thy hand has provided, great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!

The End of the Season

Well, we made it, to the end of Justin's first Kingwood Football League season. And I can honestly say I don't know much more about football than I did before the season started. But I do know this, Justin had a great time, and that is what matters. He met some new friends, learned some new skills and enjoyed being part of a team. I learned that I need to figure out some better dinner options before next season, because our two hour practices, three times a week, really messed up the dinner hour around here. Chick Fil A got a ton of business from us during the season. I also learned that in order to get the pads into the game day pants, one needs an engineering degree. Johnny informed me early on in the season that I wasn't to tell Justin to "Be sweet" as he headed to the field for a game.

I struggled some this season, missing my sister. She would have so much enjoyed watching his games. I couldn't help but think of her as I watched him out there. But I know she had a front row seat in Heaven and was cheering him and his team on during every play. And Justin knows that as well, he mentioned her quite a bit during the season.

It took everything I had to not go out on the field and give him hugs and kisses because he looked so cute in his uniform. In fact, of all the teams, I think our Cardinals were the cutest, and had the best looking uniforms! I was that mom on the sidelines that would wave to him whenever I got a chance, and he would give me that wave that says, "Yes, mom, I see you, but I've got work to do."

I am so grateful to his coaches, team mom and other parents who helped us "learn the ropes" this year. I look forward to seeing them again next year for another season. And I will be practicing getting those game day pants ready during the off season, I will not let football equipment get the best of me!

A Fresh Start

Well, we did it, we had the inside of our house painted last week. I have to admit, that our walls had some "art work" done by little hands with crayons and markers, so this was definitely needed! We picked out colors for each of the rooms, the children got to pick the colors of their rooms themselves: Ryan chose a conservative brown color, Justin chose bright blue and Madison, of course, chose princess pink! Their bathroom is a bright yellow, the master bedroom is a mossy green, the rest of the house is a nice tan, with the exception of our downstairs bathroom, which is a bright blueish-teal color, Johnny has suggested we paint some fish on the walls.

It is so nice to have a fresh start with our walls, not unlike the fresh start we get with God. Isaiah 1:18 says "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as wool". With Jesus, we can have the walls of our life painted as well, only He doesn't just cover up the sin, as the color marks on my walls were covered up. He removes those stains completely. The old is gone.

I still have the memories of my sins, and that convicts me not to continue in that way in my life, but Jesus has wiped that slate clean. All I have to do is commit to follow Him and be obedient to God's will in my life. Confess when I have sinned and then commit to change. Whether it is in my attitude toward my children, my husband, my ministry as a wife and mom, or my ministry to my parents and others. When I see that it is not in line with what God wants of me, I can get that fresh start by confessing and committing to change. And so can you!

Birthdays and Family

Yesterday we celebrated my mom's birthday. I've gotten into the habit of buying my parents gift cards for restaurants, as they really enjoy having a nice meal out together. My kids made her some really cute cards, and I encouraged them to handwrite some messages in them. (See previous post). So, we are preparing to head to my parents house, which is close to mine, and I remember the flowers. My sister always sent flowers to my mom. Now, I'm not good at sending flowers, I always remember too late. My sister didn't have that problem, I'm quite sure she had everything on a calendar, and ordered them well in advance. I'm pretty sure she also never had to pay for overnight shipping, something that I regularly have to do. I was getting myself and the kids ready, so I sent Johnny out to get some flowers for mom.

I know that I can't do everything exactly like my sister did, and even if I did, it wouldn't be the same. We are coming to the beginning of the holiday season, and these will be some pretty tough first for us: First Thanksgiving and Christmas without Brenda. I have no doubt that she is celebrating in ways the we can't even know, with our Savior, but it is still so difficult here as I miss her so very much. But I cling to Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

We ended the day with Justin's final regular season football game. His team has had a bit of a rough time with some tough losses, but he is having a great time. My parents were able to come and watch as well. I don't understand football anymore than I did at the beginning of the season, so I just wait until I hear other people from our team cheering, and then join in.

So through the happiness of family celebrations and football games, and the pain of missing my sister, I remember Philippians 4:13- I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

The Value of a Card

I used to be really good about sending cards: birthday, friendship, etc. That habit has gone by the wayside in frequent years due to just being busy with life and the ease of e-mail. So much easier to type and press send.

But I was reminded recently of the value of sending a card by a member of a Bible Study. Then, a few days later, I came across a card my sister had sent me several years ago. We always tried to find the goofiest cards to send each other, it didn't have to be a birthday. There was a witty message printed on it by the card company, but the most valuable part was the message she wrote to me. There is something so special about a message written in someones own handwriting that is so precious.

So my hope is that I can continue that with my family and friends. I want my children to have handwritten notes from me, and for them to also write notes to friends and loved ones.

Who would love to receive a card or letter from you?