As I have mentioned, we are fully involved with our church Passion Project, A Place Called Hope. I've been helping backstage, something that I've never done before. I've been to many plays and musicals, and watching what is happening onstage, how put together everything is, how it all flows, I never knew just how hectic and busy the backstage was. The audience never sees that part. We just see the "perfection" of the performance. Not until this week, did I realize what goes on backstage. People scurrying to get to their next scene, directors looking for cast members and props, etc. The first night of dress rehearsal, I brought my script, expecting to be able to follow along backstage and wait for my Justin to come off stage, or know when to get him for his next scene. The only thing I didn't anticipate, is that the area just off stage is dark. I couldn't see a thing. I found myself using my phone as a light. I'm also helping with several of the other children in the performance, and keeping up with a group of kids, in the dark, when I have to be completely silent, is no easy feat. But anyone watching the rehearsal probably had no idea of the hustle and bustle backstage.
Isn't life that way sometimes? On the outside, what the world sees in me, can be very different from what is going on on the inside. I might be very confident, peaceful and contented on the outside, but on the inside I can be dealing with insecurity, feelings of failure, sadness, any number of things I don't want others to know about. Do I let those things fester and grow, or do I give them to God and let Him walk me through it? Sometimes it means sharing a bit of that with a friend. And not becoming comfortable with the darkness. Right now, when I'm backstage in the dark, and I move to a lighted room, I feel a sense of relief. But I'm sure, the more time I spend the darkness off stage, I will become used to it. That is good when helping with a production, not so good when the darkness is in my own life. Becoming to comfortable with that kind of darkness, makes it much more difficult to accept the light that God wants us to have. But He is right there, reaching out to us. Won't you reach back?
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Saved By Grace
Our church is in full prep mode for this year's Passion Project, A Place Called Hope. I'm blessed to be able to help with it just a bit. No worries, I'm not onstage. My Justin, 9, has a part, and is having so much fun rehearsing with this talented group of performers. I've been watching some of the rehearsals, and I'm in awe of all the talent we have at our church. We have so many people using their gift of drama and singing as a tool to share the Gospel with others. And what an amazing story it is.
With Easter coming up, I'm reflecting on what Christ did for me, for all of us. And I think about when I first became a Christian. See, I was raised in an amazing church, with friendships that I still have to this day. I was baptized as an infant, I took First Communion at age 10, and was Confirmed at age 13. But I could not remember a time when I truly asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior. So, April 1st, 2004, I prayed that amazing prayer and asked Jesus into my heart.
So, what brought me to that point? Sadly enough, it was an abortion I had many years ago. The years after that, I got married and had children, but couldn't get past that darkness of shame, regret and guilt. Then, God sent an answer to a prayer: Friends who wanted to help me on the road to healing. I joined a Bible Study specifically for post-abortive women, and through that, I found the forgiveness that I never dreamed was possible.
So, as I help my young performer prepare for opening night, I'm very blessed to play a little part of the behind the scenes help with the production. And as I watch the rehearsals, and listen to the practice CD, I reflect on what it means to me to be a follower of Christ, how my life has changed since I let Him in my heart.
With Easter coming up, I'm reflecting on what Christ did for me, for all of us. And I think about when I first became a Christian. See, I was raised in an amazing church, with friendships that I still have to this day. I was baptized as an infant, I took First Communion at age 10, and was Confirmed at age 13. But I could not remember a time when I truly asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior. So, April 1st, 2004, I prayed that amazing prayer and asked Jesus into my heart.
So, what brought me to that point? Sadly enough, it was an abortion I had many years ago. The years after that, I got married and had children, but couldn't get past that darkness of shame, regret and guilt. Then, God sent an answer to a prayer: Friends who wanted to help me on the road to healing. I joined a Bible Study specifically for post-abortive women, and through that, I found the forgiveness that I never dreamed was possible.
So, as I help my young performer prepare for opening night, I'm very blessed to play a little part of the behind the scenes help with the production. And as I watch the rehearsals, and listen to the practice CD, I reflect on what it means to me to be a follower of Christ, how my life has changed since I let Him in my heart.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Children
Update on the kids:
Ryan attended his first dance last week. He learned Square Dancing and Line Dancing. I fully expected him to go and visit with friends and not dance, but with some encouragement from a friend, he got out there with the rest of the kids and had a great time. I was so excited to see him join in on the fun! Watching him, I realized just how much he is growing up. Seems like just yesterday, he was learning to walk. What a joy and a privilege to watch him grow and be his Mom!
Justin is in our Passion Project at church this year. I am enjoying watching the rehearsals and listening to the practice CD, I think I know the songs almost as well as the cast! He is a natural performer and loves to be on the stage. I'm so glad he is using this gift to share God's love with others.
Madison is busy being 4. She is going through a stage where she is very particular about what she wears. This must be a girl thing, because my boys have always just worn whatever I lay out for them. But she will see her clothes laid out and immediately let me know if it is not what she wants to wear. The down side to this, is her choice in clothes is very unique: a shirt, skirt and jumper all at the same time.
As I look at my kids, I'm amazed at their individuality. As babies, most kids are a lot alike, they eat, sleep, play, etc. But as I'm watching my kids grow up, I love the fact that I can see their individual personalities and what makes them unique. They are not just little clones of myself or Johnny, but a great combination of not only us, but our families as well.
God has given me these children to raise, He gave them specifically to myself and Johnny. I'm the mom He wants as their mom. It is no accident that I got these particular children, there is a purpose in everything God does. So, do I embrace that, with the good and the challenging? Of course I do! Even on those days when Madison is digging in her feet about what to wear, or Ryan and Justin are arguing over the computer. Even on those days that Ryan is so focused on something other than school work. Even when Justin is tired at night and nothing is going right for him. For whatever reason, God feels like even during those times, I'm the mom for them. Maybe it is to build character in me, teach me something. Maybe I need to look at my relationship with God, and see where I'm not being obedient to His call on my life.
But I also get the good, which so outweighs the challenging. I get the hugs and kisses. I get the "I love you, Mom", I get the one on one conversations with each of them. I get the joy of teaching them to read and watching them learn. I get the laughter around the table. I get to here the singing that seems to go on here so much. I get to hear them pray and watch as they grow in their relationship with God.
Proverbs 31:28 says - Her children arise and call her blessed.
I am blessed, beyond measure!
Ryan attended his first dance last week. He learned Square Dancing and Line Dancing. I fully expected him to go and visit with friends and not dance, but with some encouragement from a friend, he got out there with the rest of the kids and had a great time. I was so excited to see him join in on the fun! Watching him, I realized just how much he is growing up. Seems like just yesterday, he was learning to walk. What a joy and a privilege to watch him grow and be his Mom!
Justin is in our Passion Project at church this year. I am enjoying watching the rehearsals and listening to the practice CD, I think I know the songs almost as well as the cast! He is a natural performer and loves to be on the stage. I'm so glad he is using this gift to share God's love with others.
Madison is busy being 4. She is going through a stage where she is very particular about what she wears. This must be a girl thing, because my boys have always just worn whatever I lay out for them. But she will see her clothes laid out and immediately let me know if it is not what she wants to wear. The down side to this, is her choice in clothes is very unique: a shirt, skirt and jumper all at the same time.
As I look at my kids, I'm amazed at their individuality. As babies, most kids are a lot alike, they eat, sleep, play, etc. But as I'm watching my kids grow up, I love the fact that I can see their individual personalities and what makes them unique. They are not just little clones of myself or Johnny, but a great combination of not only us, but our families as well.
God has given me these children to raise, He gave them specifically to myself and Johnny. I'm the mom He wants as their mom. It is no accident that I got these particular children, there is a purpose in everything God does. So, do I embrace that, with the good and the challenging? Of course I do! Even on those days when Madison is digging in her feet about what to wear, or Ryan and Justin are arguing over the computer. Even on those days that Ryan is so focused on something other than school work. Even when Justin is tired at night and nothing is going right for him. For whatever reason, God feels like even during those times, I'm the mom for them. Maybe it is to build character in me, teach me something. Maybe I need to look at my relationship with God, and see where I'm not being obedient to His call on my life.
But I also get the good, which so outweighs the challenging. I get the hugs and kisses. I get the "I love you, Mom", I get the one on one conversations with each of them. I get the joy of teaching them to read and watching them learn. I get the laughter around the table. I get to here the singing that seems to go on here so much. I get to hear them pray and watch as they grow in their relationship with God.
Proverbs 31:28 says - Her children arise and call her blessed.
I am blessed, beyond measure!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
What We See
I have a picture on my mantel from several years ago. It was taken for a church directory: myself, Johnny, Ryan and Justin. The boys were about ages 3 and 1. It is a sweet picture, two contented parents, a precious preschooler and an adorable toddler smiling and laughing for the camera. The funny, or maybe not so funny part, is that I remember that photo session vividly. Justin, the toddler, was in a horrible mood that day. He cried and fussed during the entire session. Somehow, the photographer was able to get a photo of him smiling and laughing. I'm not sure how that happened, as I don't remember any break in the fit pitching. Anybody seeing the photo today would have no idea of Justin's mood that day unless I told them. Isn't God so good? He took a very stressful moment for me, and gave me a glimpse of joy through it. Joy can be found in any situation, as long as I let God be in the middle of it. That photo is a reminder that no matter how rough a day is, there is joy to be found, even if I have to look quickly to find it.
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