One Year...

It's been one year since I sat with my sister, Brenda, as she went to be with Jesus. I've heard that the first year is the hardest. Does that mean that eventually, I'll be able to think of my sister without that feeling that my lungs are being squeezed so tight that I can't breathe? Will I be able to watch my children sing, swim, play football, etc. without that overbearing sadness that threatens to move me to tears as think of how much she would have enjoyed it as well? May 12, 2011 marks a day where my life changed forever, a "new normal" was born, and that "new normal" is far from normal still. But God... God gave me gifts this weekend to help me through it all. He gave me "busyness" on Saturday with Justin's swim meet, and preparing for Mother's Day, and an overnight visit from a dear friend. He gave me a husband who insisted that I go to breakfast with that friend on Mother's Day, while he helped our kids get breakfast and ready for church. He gave me a sweet moment where my Justin sang in big church, while Johnny, Ryan and Madison were sitting with me. He scheduled my time so well that morning, that instead of Madison being in her class while Justin sang, she sat with me, as I had just enough time to get seated before the service began. What a sweet moment to share with my husband and children. After Justin sang, I took Madison to her class and they were on the playground, her favorite place, so she went happily to play instead of hanging on my skirt crying like she sometimes does. After church, we went to lunch with my parents, and I was able to surprise my mom with a Bible she had wanted. After lunch, I got my much loved nap, all afternoon! Ryan fixed dinner last night, and then Johnny and I settled in front of the TV. It is hard to talk about Brenda, writing is so much easier. I can't seem to make the thoughts in my head make it to my lips, can't bring myself to say the words. Know that if I start, I likely won't make it through a sentence. And that is scary, like so much of the past couple of years. But God... He gives me friends who pray, who encourage, etc. Friends who hug, who offer to come watch my kids, who check in with me by text just so I know they are there and thinking of me and praying for me. He gives me children, who can make me smile and laugh, and tell me they love me, at just the right time. He gives me a husband, who has been so strong for me, when I've been at the breaking point. But God... So thankful for His grace and the work He does in my life!