All I Have Needed....

I was reading in Lamentations this morning, Chapter 3, Verses 21-24: Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning: great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

The holidays are among us, and with that, the realization that this is the first Christmas without my sweet sister here. As we were celebrating Thanksgiving, I recalled a time when my parents and I were meeting Brenda's future in-laws at a Thanksgiving meal. Prior to that, my mom had mentioned how funny it would be to dress in traditional pilgrim costumes and show up like that. Now, we didn't do that, but just the thought of it made me really nervous about my parents meeting Johnny for the first time years later. Memories like that bring back laughter, as do the memories I had while watching the Friends marathon last week. Those are things that I can look back on and smile, but with those smiles also come tears at times. I just miss her so much.

Christmas cards will be arriving in the mail soon, and the thought that there won't be one from Brenda cuts to my core at times. She always wanted her card to be the first one I received. ( I, on the other hand, rarely get my cards out much before Christmas Eve). She always made a special trip out on Christmas Eve to see my children and bring them their gifts. I loved talking with her about her preparations for Christmas at her work, what she was getting everyone, etc. Those are things that won't happen this year.

But, with that, I still have a family here, and much to celebrate. So how do I do that? I recall that verse from Lamentations, and remember that God will give me what I need to make it through each day, each hour, each minute. I will not be consumed by my grief and pain, because God loves me and He will carry me through this.

And, as much as I miss her, I also know that she is celebrating the Christmas with Jesus, and what a celebration I imagine that to be!

All I have needed, thy hand has provided, great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!

The End of the Season

Well, we made it, to the end of Justin's first Kingwood Football League season. And I can honestly say I don't know much more about football than I did before the season started. But I do know this, Justin had a great time, and that is what matters. He met some new friends, learned some new skills and enjoyed being part of a team. I learned that I need to figure out some better dinner options before next season, because our two hour practices, three times a week, really messed up the dinner hour around here. Chick Fil A got a ton of business from us during the season. I also learned that in order to get the pads into the game day pants, one needs an engineering degree. Johnny informed me early on in the season that I wasn't to tell Justin to "Be sweet" as he headed to the field for a game.

I struggled some this season, missing my sister. She would have so much enjoyed watching his games. I couldn't help but think of her as I watched him out there. But I know she had a front row seat in Heaven and was cheering him and his team on during every play. And Justin knows that as well, he mentioned her quite a bit during the season.

It took everything I had to not go out on the field and give him hugs and kisses because he looked so cute in his uniform. In fact, of all the teams, I think our Cardinals were the cutest, and had the best looking uniforms! I was that mom on the sidelines that would wave to him whenever I got a chance, and he would give me that wave that says, "Yes, mom, I see you, but I've got work to do."

I am so grateful to his coaches, team mom and other parents who helped us "learn the ropes" this year. I look forward to seeing them again next year for another season. And I will be practicing getting those game day pants ready during the off season, I will not let football equipment get the best of me!

A Fresh Start

Well, we did it, we had the inside of our house painted last week. I have to admit, that our walls had some "art work" done by little hands with crayons and markers, so this was definitely needed! We picked out colors for each of the rooms, the children got to pick the colors of their rooms themselves: Ryan chose a conservative brown color, Justin chose bright blue and Madison, of course, chose princess pink! Their bathroom is a bright yellow, the master bedroom is a mossy green, the rest of the house is a nice tan, with the exception of our downstairs bathroom, which is a bright blueish-teal color, Johnny has suggested we paint some fish on the walls.

It is so nice to have a fresh start with our walls, not unlike the fresh start we get with God. Isaiah 1:18 says "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as wool". With Jesus, we can have the walls of our life painted as well, only He doesn't just cover up the sin, as the color marks on my walls were covered up. He removes those stains completely. The old is gone.

I still have the memories of my sins, and that convicts me not to continue in that way in my life, but Jesus has wiped that slate clean. All I have to do is commit to follow Him and be obedient to God's will in my life. Confess when I have sinned and then commit to change. Whether it is in my attitude toward my children, my husband, my ministry as a wife and mom, or my ministry to my parents and others. When I see that it is not in line with what God wants of me, I can get that fresh start by confessing and committing to change. And so can you!

Birthdays and Family

Yesterday we celebrated my mom's birthday. I've gotten into the habit of buying my parents gift cards for restaurants, as they really enjoy having a nice meal out together. My kids made her some really cute cards, and I encouraged them to handwrite some messages in them. (See previous post). So, we are preparing to head to my parents house, which is close to mine, and I remember the flowers. My sister always sent flowers to my mom. Now, I'm not good at sending flowers, I always remember too late. My sister didn't have that problem, I'm quite sure she had everything on a calendar, and ordered them well in advance. I'm pretty sure she also never had to pay for overnight shipping, something that I regularly have to do. I was getting myself and the kids ready, so I sent Johnny out to get some flowers for mom.

I know that I can't do everything exactly like my sister did, and even if I did, it wouldn't be the same. We are coming to the beginning of the holiday season, and these will be some pretty tough first for us: First Thanksgiving and Christmas without Brenda. I have no doubt that she is celebrating in ways the we can't even know, with our Savior, but it is still so difficult here as I miss her so very much. But I cling to Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

We ended the day with Justin's final regular season football game. His team has had a bit of a rough time with some tough losses, but he is having a great time. My parents were able to come and watch as well. I don't understand football anymore than I did at the beginning of the season, so I just wait until I hear other people from our team cheering, and then join in.

So through the happiness of family celebrations and football games, and the pain of missing my sister, I remember Philippians 4:13- I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

The Value of a Card

I used to be really good about sending cards: birthday, friendship, etc. That habit has gone by the wayside in frequent years due to just being busy with life and the ease of e-mail. So much easier to type and press send.

But I was reminded recently of the value of sending a card by a member of a Bible Study. Then, a few days later, I came across a card my sister had sent me several years ago. We always tried to find the goofiest cards to send each other, it didn't have to be a birthday. There was a witty message printed on it by the card company, but the most valuable part was the message she wrote to me. There is something so special about a message written in someones own handwriting that is so precious.

So my hope is that I can continue that with my family and friends. I want my children to have handwritten notes from me, and for them to also write notes to friends and loved ones.

Who would love to receive a card or letter from you?

Ready For Some Football?

Okay, so my Justin has been wanting to play in the Kingwood Football League for about a year now. We finally signed him up for this season. He tried out, was chosen in the draft and is extremely excited!

I'm very confused with much of the equipment though. Yesterday, Johnny was getting Justin's mouthpiece fitted correctly. See, that is where I would have messed up. I would have taken out of the package and put it in his mouth and sent him on his way. But no, there are actually directions on how to use this thing. You have to cut it to the correct size, and then place it in boiling water to soften the plastic (I guess even in football, there is cooking). Then it goes in Justin's mouth, much like an impression plate at the dentist. This is when I'm really wishing they had done this before dinner, because I'm quite sure what is going to happen won't be pretty and I will be called to clean up duty. So, I leave the room. I happy to report, that other than a few threatening gagging coughs, there was no clean up to be done.

Then it is off to League Night, where parents and players get all the information they need for the season. I should have worried when I found out the Information meeting lasted an hour. How much could they need to tell? This is little league! After that, Justin got to meet his coaches and players, and happily, there is a boy he knows from our homeschooling group on his team.

During this time, I've texted Johnny, reminding him NOT to sign me up for any volunteering. See, long before I had children, I attended the baseball game of a Pre-K student of mine, and there, my aversion for volunteering for a children's sports team, was born. I saw this poor mom, in a dugout with a bunch of preschoolers who were hanging from the side of the dugout. I decided then and there that I would never reveal the fact that I have a teacher's certificate to any of my future children's coaches, because I knew that was a sure ticket into the madness of the dugout. Now, if a need arises, will I help out? Of course!

So, they get home, and Justin has his fundraiser order forms and another booklet. I look closer at the booklet, and it is a playbook. Now, I have a college degree, but I can't understand anything in this playbook. I told Johnny, that was all on him this season. I can teach reading and math, but that stuff looked like Greek to me. I guess we have PE taken care of for Justin this semester!

So we are entering a season of learning for me. I really don't know much of what to do or expect. It reminds me so much of when I first started to really dig into God's Word and desire a relationship with Him. It started with me feeling very overwhelmed, and doing a little at a time. The first Bible Study I attended covered the book of Joshua, in the Old Testament. There were many fact
questions: who, what, when, where, why, easy fill in the blank stuff. Just read the text and find the answer. Every once in awhile, there was a "what does this mean to you" type question. The study after that was Ephesians. That one was filled with less "fact" and more "heart", I really had to think and look at my own heart to answer the questions. That was so much harder for me! Much easier to just fill in a blank. The next study I did didn't have any fill in the blank questions, there were simply scriptures to look up and I had to search my own heart for the answers. I really struggled with that one. But I found that the more I studied God's Word, the more I wanted to see how to apply it to my own heart and life. And the only way to do that was to move past the fill in the blank and take an honest look at myself and my relationship with God.

It has been, and continues to be, such a great journey! Not always happy, and sometimes downright painful, But as I learn more about God and myself, I'm excited to continue on and see what lies ahead!

Justin's first practice is tonight, Johnny is in charge of getting his practice stuff together, after I asked him if he was to wear the pads with shorts or his football pants. I wonder what adventures we will have this season? My hope is that we can use this to be a light to others.

Creative Arts Camp

What a great week we had at Creative Arts Camp at church last week! All three kids participated, I volunteered, and Johnny even stopped by for a couple of days to take pictures. I just love having activities where we can all be involved.

Ryan was able to take pictures some throughout the week. He also helped with lights for the performance at the end of the week. He really enjoyed spending time with "the best teen helper he has ever had", his quote. So much fun to see him growing and becoming ready to join the youth group as well.

Justin got to be "Mr. Drama Guy" once again. We had fun learning his line, and I found myself saying it along with him the night of the performance. He also had a great time in his Pottery Class.

And my Madison. It was so nice to hear her retell the stories she learned. We had many discussions, retellings and pictures drawn of Daniel and the Lion's Den and Jonah and the Big Fish. She also entertained us with songs this week as well. And she stayed on the stage and sang every song with her group!

I got to work with some children in the afternoon doing Creative Writing. What a joy that was!

As I look over the past couple of weeks of activity at our church, I'm so thankful for that church home and family we have. The effects I see in my children are lasting, the impact the members of the church have on our lives is priceless.

A Year of Firsts

I remember when my children were babies, their "firsts" were so exciting: first words, first steps, first teeth. This year, will be a different kind of firsts for me, first holidays, special times, without my sister.

I had one of those this past week - our birthdays. Brenda's birthday is July 16th, mine is July 20th. As children, my mom would also plan elaborate parties for both of us separately. As the mom of two close in age, with birthdays 4 days apart, I now have a new appreciation for what she did. But as adults, we would always celebrate together.

So this was the first year to celebrate my birthday, and Brenda's birthday, without her.

But God knew, and made plans this week for me. I had no idea when I signed up to help with Creative Arts Camp this week, that my sister would be gone. But God knew, and He put that there for me. I spent the week with my children, experiencing God in so many ways. I also was blessed to be with about 150 other children through the week. On my birthday, everywhere I went in that church, some little voice was telling me Happy Birthday. I got hugs from my friends.

God also gave me a very special gift, a visit from one of my very best friends, who doesn't live in Texas anymore. God very much orchestrated her schedule, so that she would be here for several days and we were able to spend some time together.

The day was complete when I spent time with my parents eating a yummy ice cream cake, that Johnny, Ryan and Justin served and cleaned up. Then Johnny, the kids, and I went to Joe's Crab Shack for a yummy dinner. I ordered more than I was able to eat, knowing that I was going to be sharing with my boys. Madison slept in my lap most of the time. Chrystal called from Arkansas to wish me Happy Birthday, what a blessing she is! I finished my evening ordering and reading books on my new Nook, a gift from Johnny and the kids, a gift that I've always said "I don't need" but have found that I LOVE it!

So God has taken what was going to be a tough time for me, and put some special gifts in there. Was this past week easy? No. I shed many tears. But I got to see God at work in my life, through songs, skits, art, friends, children, and my own family. I can trust God with this next year, knowing that there will be much sadness, but that He will be there to walk me through it.

Lessons from VBS

So, it has been way too long since I've blogged, so I'm back! :)

This week at our church is Vacation Bible School, a week that myself and my children look forward to each year. Johnny has even gotten involved for a couple of days and done some photography. (Which means I made the "Big Screen" this year, thank you honey. Not!!)

Anyway, my Madison has been hearing some Bible stories and enjoys telling me about them and drawing pictures. Yesterday was "The Good Samaritan". Her take on it was that a man took Jesus, who was hurt, put him on a donkey and took him to Samaricho. I've looked and looked but can not find Samaricho on a map in my Bible. Madison got parts of the story correct, but mixed up others.

How many times to I do that with God's Word? Today's story was of Forgiveness, the woman who was about to be stoned. Jesus asks the one who is without sin to throw the first stone, and one by one, the people drop their stones and walk away, until Jesus is the only one left. And what does He do? He tells her to "go and sin no more". Jesus, the only one who could have thrown a stone, didn't.

I hear that story and think how amazing it must have been to be that woman and have Jesus do that for me. And then I realize, He did do that for me. Sometimes I have to remind myself that He DID do that for me as well. It isn't just something for everybody else, it was for me too. My sins are forgiven, the choices that I made that were not in line with God's will for my life, are forgiven. I can rise up just like that woman so many years ago with Jesus, and determine to live my life as a follower of Christ.

One of the activities we did today was take some rocks, and put them at the foot of the Cross. That was symbolic of not carrying unforgiveness around with us. The lesson today encouraged us to forgive others and not hold a grudge. But for me, it also served as a reminder that I am forgiven as well.

Smile!

So today, I began a quest to find my dining room table. I was quite sure it had been stolen, and replaced with a pile of clean laundry, mail and books. But a glimmer of hope occurred as I began to go through those things. I actually saw a piece of the brown wood that makes up the top! Yay for me! One of the items I came across was a small book that one of my children must have brought home from church, and put on that table. On the front is a "Smiley Face" with the words "Smile, Jesus Loves You" written around it.

Sometimes, it can be really tough to find something to smile about. Days can be overwhelming with tasks that seem so large that I don't know how I will manage them. I can look around and see all the "work" and quickly begin to feel defeated. Behavior and character issues with my children can threaten to overtake my emotions to the point that I have nothing left to give. My shortcomings in tasks that should just come "naturally" to me as a wife and mom can paralyze me.

But then, there is Jesus, just loving me. Above all else, Jesus loves me. He loves me through the tough and the easy. He loves me even when I don't feel lovable.

And that is something to smile about! So friends, today, remember that Jesus loves you! And smile! :)

Trust

Well, we have started that time of year where I spend hours in the hot sun "encouraging" my boys to swim fast. This year, Madison has joined the Swim Team as well. She is a brand new swimmer, never had any lessons before this. She is excited, yet sometimes fearful of letting go of the coach, lane rope, wall, etc. Today, she went off the starting block for the first time. I say, she went off, but she did have some assistance from me. See, she was afraid to jump in. Coach Emily was right there to catch her, but as is typical with little ones sometimes, she didn't want to jump. So I "helped" her jump in several times. I have the advantage, as I totally trust the coach and know that she won't let anything happen to Madison. But Madison isn't there yet, she is still learning what will be okay. My hope is as she swims with this coach more, she will develop that trust, and confidence in her own ability. And she has made such improvement in just the few short days she has been to practice. And she loves Coach Emily!

I can relate to Madison a bit here. I'm at a point in my life where I need to trust in God. With the recent loss of my sister, I find myself wondering if I will ever feel any better. If I will get to the point where it isn't an effort to get through the day. If I thought that this was how it was going to be forever, I think I would just give up. But I know that God is there and He will walk me through this. I just have to be brave enough to "jump off the starting block" to Him.

The prayers, cards, meals, phone calls, hugs, etc have been such a comfort to me, thank you, friends!

Sisters

My sister, Brenda passed away May 12, 2011 after a long battle with Breast Cancer. As I sit here making funeral plans and looking through photos, I'm reminded of just how special the sister relationship is. I can't speak to brother/brother or brother/sister relationships. But my sister and I have a bond that will last for eternity. She and I could look at each other across a room and know exactly what the other was thinking. We would laugh hysterically at jokes that nobody else found funny. I could call her and just give her a movie line, and she would immediately say "What channel". We could relate just about every experience to a Friends episode. And I was with her on her most important journey, the one to Jesus. I sat and held her hand all afternoon and evening until she took her final breath. And I don't think a bond can get any stronger than that.

Dance with Jesus, Brenda!

After the Show

What an amazing week and weekend it has been! Passion Project Kingwood 2011 was absolutely wonderful! I was blessed to be able to be backstage each night and see the performers coming through, helping whenever necessary, etc.

I was very anxious on Friday afternoon, right before opening night. "Would Justin remember his lines? Would he say them loud enough? What if he needs me while he is onstage?" On the way to the church that night, Justin wasn't feeling well. At that point, in the McDonald's drive thru, I just silently prayed for him, trusted God with him, etc. We got to the church, and he immediately started feeling better. I realized, that no matter how much control I think I have, God is the one in control. I was very blessed to have Justin working with some awesome people in this production, and I realized that I didn't have to worry while he was onstage.

This whole experience has been great for our family. My Ryan, who last year didn't want to see the production, sat through every dress rehearsal and performance, by his own choice. He wanted to come. And he had questions as well, so lots of good discussion has come from it. My Madison spent her time in childcare, but before and after, as we walked through the church, she always stopped at a photograph from last year's performance. It is Jesus on the cross. She will just stand there and look at it, ask questions, share what she knows, etc. She loves the music from the program, we have been listening to it for several months. She can even tell me when the different characters are singing - Roman Soldiers, merchants, Disciples, Healed men, Caiphas.

Johnny filmed each night, so I got to hear what he saw from his perspective, his camera was directly behind the Cross.

And myself. Wow. Touched me at a deep level, that is for sure. I can read scripture, do Bible studies, etc. But to be a part of something like this, to see the Gospel lived out in a mighty way, just drives home that much more what Christ did for me.

From the song You Are My King:
I'm forgiven, because You were forsaken,
I'm accepted, You were condemned.
I'm alive and well, Your spirit lives within me
Because You died and rose again.

Behind the Scenes

As I have mentioned, we are fully involved with our church Passion Project, A Place Called Hope. I've been helping backstage, something that I've never done before. I've been to many plays and musicals, and watching what is happening onstage, how put together everything is, how it all flows, I never knew just how hectic and busy the backstage was. The audience never sees that part. We just see the "perfection" of the performance. Not until this week, did I realize what goes on backstage. People scurrying to get to their next scene, directors looking for cast members and props, etc. The first night of dress rehearsal, I brought my script, expecting to be able to follow along backstage and wait for my Justin to come off stage, or know when to get him for his next scene. The only thing I didn't anticipate, is that the area just off stage is dark. I couldn't see a thing. I found myself using my phone as a light. I'm also helping with several of the other children in the performance, and keeping up with a group of kids, in the dark, when I have to be completely silent, is no easy feat. But anyone watching the rehearsal probably had no idea of the hustle and bustle backstage.

Isn't life that way sometimes? On the outside, what the world sees in me, can be very different from what is going on on the inside. I might be very confident, peaceful and contented on the outside, but on the inside I can be dealing with insecurity, feelings of failure, sadness, any number of things I don't want others to know about. Do I let those things fester and grow, or do I give them to God and let Him walk me through it? Sometimes it means sharing a bit of that with a friend. And not becoming comfortable with the darkness. Right now, when I'm backstage in the dark, and I move to a lighted room, I feel a sense of relief. But I'm sure, the more time I spend the darkness off stage, I will become used to it. That is good when helping with a production, not so good when the darkness is in my own life. Becoming to comfortable with that kind of darkness, makes it much more difficult to accept the light that God wants us to have. But He is right there, reaching out to us. Won't you reach back?

Saved By Grace

Our church is in full prep mode for this year's Passion Project, A Place Called Hope. I'm blessed to be able to help with it just a bit. No worries, I'm not onstage. My Justin, 9, has a part, and is having so much fun rehearsing with this talented group of performers. I've been watching some of the rehearsals, and I'm in awe of all the talent we have at our church. We have so many people using their gift of drama and singing as a tool to share the Gospel with others. And what an amazing story it is.

With Easter coming up, I'm reflecting on what Christ did for me, for all of us. And I think about when I first became a Christian. See, I was raised in an amazing church, with friendships that I still have to this day. I was baptized as an infant, I took First Communion at age 10, and was Confirmed at age 13. But I could not remember a time when I truly asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior. So, April 1st, 2004, I prayed that amazing prayer and asked Jesus into my heart.

So, what brought me to that point? Sadly enough, it was an abortion I had many years ago. The years after that, I got married and had children, but couldn't get past that darkness of shame, regret and guilt. Then, God sent an answer to a prayer: Friends who wanted to help me on the road to healing. I joined a Bible Study specifically for post-abortive women, and through that, I found the forgiveness that I never dreamed was possible.

So, as I help my young performer prepare for opening night, I'm very blessed to play a little part of the behind the scenes help with the production. And as I watch the rehearsals, and listen to the practice CD, I reflect on what it means to me to be a follower of Christ, how my life has changed since I let Him in my heart.

Children

Update on the kids:

Ryan attended his first dance last week. He learned Square Dancing and Line Dancing. I fully expected him to go and visit with friends and not dance, but with some encouragement from a friend, he got out there with the rest of the kids and had a great time. I was so excited to see him join in on the fun! Watching him, I realized just how much he is growing up. Seems like just yesterday, he was learning to walk. What a joy and a privilege to watch him grow and be his Mom!

Justin is in our Passion Project at church this year. I am enjoying watching the rehearsals and listening to the practice CD, I think I know the songs almost as well as the cast! He is a natural performer and loves to be on the stage. I'm so glad he is using this gift to share God's love with others.

Madison is busy being 4. She is going through a stage where she is very particular about what she wears. This must be a girl thing, because my boys have always just worn whatever I lay out for them. But she will see her clothes laid out and immediately let me know if it is not what she wants to wear. The down side to this, is her choice in clothes is very unique: a shirt, skirt and jumper all at the same time.

As I look at my kids, I'm amazed at their individuality. As babies, most kids are a lot alike, they eat, sleep, play, etc. But as I'm watching my kids grow up, I love the fact that I can see their individual personalities and what makes them unique. They are not just little clones of myself or Johnny, but a great combination of not only us, but our families as well.

God has given me these children to raise, He gave them specifically to myself and Johnny. I'm the mom He wants as their mom. It is no accident that I got these particular children, there is a purpose in everything God does. So, do I embrace that, with the good and the challenging? Of course I do! Even on those days when Madison is digging in her feet about what to wear, or Ryan and Justin are arguing over the computer. Even on those days that Ryan is so focused on something other than school work. Even when Justin is tired at night and nothing is going right for him. For whatever reason, God feels like even during those times, I'm the mom for them. Maybe it is to build character in me, teach me something. Maybe I need to look at my relationship with God, and see where I'm not being obedient to His call on my life.

But I also get the good, which so outweighs the challenging. I get the hugs and kisses. I get the "I love you, Mom", I get the one on one conversations with each of them. I get the joy of teaching them to read and watching them learn. I get the laughter around the table. I get to here the singing that seems to go on here so much. I get to hear them pray and watch as they grow in their relationship with God.

Proverbs 31:28 says - Her children arise and call her blessed.

I am blessed, beyond measure!

What We See

I have a picture on my mantel from several years ago. It was taken for a church directory: myself, Johnny, Ryan and Justin. The boys were about ages 3 and 1. It is a sweet picture, two contented parents, a precious preschooler and an adorable toddler smiling and laughing for the camera. The funny, or maybe not so funny part, is that I remember that photo session vividly. Justin, the toddler, was in a horrible mood that day. He cried and fussed during the entire session. Somehow, the photographer was able to get a photo of him smiling and laughing. I'm not sure how that happened, as I don't remember any break in the fit pitching. Anybody seeing the photo today would have no idea of Justin's mood that day unless I told them. Isn't God so good? He took a very stressful moment for me, and gave me a glimpse of joy through it. Joy can be found in any situation, as long as I let God be in the middle of it. That photo is a reminder that no matter how rough a day is, there is joy to be found, even if I have to look quickly to find it.

Family, Living as Lights...

Well, weekend before last, we got the sad news that Johnny's grandfather had passed away. We traveled to Mississippi for the funeral. Looking around at the funeral home, I was struck with just what a legacy this man leaves. The place was full of his children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and great-great grandchildren. I don't think I've seen that many little ones at a funeral before. As I was helping my own children navigate the process, I found myself watching them closely. My Ryan, age 11, quietly moved about the crowd, talking to those he knew. I see him working in a church, behind the scenes, doing techwork like his daddy when he is older. Justin, age 9, spent as much time up at the casket as he could, even talking to "Paw". (He told me that Paw told him he loved him). He also talked to just about everyone there, always friendly and social. When he grows up, I see him either leading the praise and worship at church, or delivering the message from the pulpit. (Or both!). And my Madison, age 4. This was her first experience with a funeral, and, as with all my children, I explained before hand about death and what happens when someone dies. She then proceeded to very loudly repeat all of this throughout the visitation time before the funeral. Not sure what to expect from her in the future!

After the service, we gathered together at Paw and Nanny's house for a wonderful meal prepared by their church. It was so nice to see the kids all playing together, swinging, throwing the football and petting the amazingly patient dogs in the backyard. I moved through the buffet line, taking samples of all they yummy food. One casserole in particular really got my attention, and I went back for a second helping. I always wish the recipe cards were placed with the dishes, so I could grab them from my favorites. There is always something that stands out for me in those cases. I ended up tracking down the lady who had made it, and she told me how to get the recipe. Isn't life like that sometimes with people as well? I can be with a group of people and one will just stand out, I won't be able to put my finger on it, they just seem different, but I want to know more! As I learn more about this person, I find out about their Christian walk, and see that the "secret" behind their life, their peace, their radiance, their security, is Christ. We don't have recipe cards that come with us, but we can be ready to share what a difference Christ has made in our lives. What can we do today that will stand out in a crowd and cause others to want to know more about Christ? How are we sharing the Gospel just by our actions?

A Cheerful Heart

We are taking a break from school this week, it is so nice to have some downtime! Part of this week will be spent catching up on some housework. Sometimes I find myself grumbling and complaining when it comes to that part of life, and then this scripture comes to mind:

Philippians 2:14-15 (New International Version, ©2011)

14 Do everything without grumbling or arguing, 15 so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.”[a] Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky.

Not only do I want to shine, I want my children to shine. But when I see them complaining, I have to look at myself and wonder what do they see in me. Do they see a mom who is cheerfully going about the work God has given her, or are they seeing someone grumbling and complaining through it? Even if I don't say a word, can they tell by my countenance how I'm really feeling?


Proverbs 4:23 (New International Version, ©2011)


23 Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.

By filling my head with God's truth, and letting that flow into my heart, what overflows to my children will be much sweeter than anything I could try and muster up on my own.

Planning

Well, the time has come to plan for our next homeschool year. A couple of big "firsts" - Ryan will be in 6th grade, so the start of "Middle School" and little Madison will be starting Kindergarten! I'm re-evaluating our curriculum for Ryan and Justin (4th grade next year), and deciding on Madison's. She has been doing some fun preschool workbooks this year. So, what I'm deciding from now is: Abeka (which we did use several years ago), Rod and Staff (Madison's preschool workbooks this year) and Alpha Omega Life Pacs. Decisions, decisions! I can make a case for each, but making the final decision is so hard. I will think I have my mind made up, and then a catalog for one of the other two will show up in my mailbox. So, what to do? Thankfully, I know the One to ask! As in all things, I will take it to God, and He will direct my path.

We've had a busy couple of weeks here. With three kids and all their activities, we find ourselves on the go quite a bit.

The Children's Choir performed their musical last night. Madison had her first speaking role with her preschool choir and did great! Justin turned in an awesome performance. Ryan worked with the Tech Crew and seems to be following in his father's footsteps.

Several weeks ago, Madison decided to make it "snow" inside, using the little white bead from inside a stuffed animal. (The kind that you can win at a carnival). I have been sweeping and vacuuming, and just when I think I have it all, more shows up. The stuffed animal is long gone, one of the boys threw it out for me. So why do I keep finding these things? I feel sure that they will be around for a long time, and should I ever decide to move my china cabinet, there will be some there as well. But I just want to be finished with it! I find myself like that spiritually as well. I think I need to be "finished", be the "perfect Christian", when in reality, that isn't possible, at least not on this side. There will always be something that needs to be done, something for me to work on, and area in my life where God will say "Okay, Donna, let's deal with this one now". So I will continue to clean the beads, physically and spiritually, as I work towards that goal that God has laid out for me.

This week will bring Science Classes at the Museum, Chess Club, Bowling, Super Friday and Church. I'm excited to see what God has planned for us!

Hearing the Music

We had a fun and busy week filled with Chess Club, Bowling, Church, Super Friday, Museum Classes, etc. I so love spending time with my kids and seeing them learn and grow! One thing that happens when we have lots of time in the car, is that we get to listen to music. When the kids are preparing for a Children's Choir Musical or Theater performance, we listen to the practice CDs. I find that by the time of the production, I know the music and lines as well as the little performers! Right now, Ryan and Justin are preparing for the Simon Says production with the children at church, and Madison is practicing her songs for her preschool performance. As a result, I find myself singing those songs throughout the day. You know how it is when you can't get a song out of your head? I've been singing about Jesus, Lazarus, John the Baptist, songs about miracles, acceptance, the love of Jesus, hope, praising God, etc. But what about those other times, when I forget about those songs, and my mind is open to the doubt, guilt, the thoughts of "I'm not good enough at..., If only I hadn't..., That mom is so much better at..."? I have to remind myself that those thoughts are not from God, that is the enemy trying to drown out all the good I had listened to earlier. My challenge is to replace all that negative thinking with the truth of God's Word. I'm so thankful that God's mercies are new every morning, and that He gives me all that I need to fill my head and my heart with His truth!

Seeing God in the Shoes

Friday evening, we decided to stop and get Madison some new shoes. I was so happy to find the exact pair I'd been looking for: Twinkle Toes by Skechers. Those are the ones with the sparkles, bling and lights. She was so proud of those, running around the store watching them light up. We hop in the truck to head home. She is still fascinated with the lights, so she continually bumps her feet to make them light up. This startles Johnny each time, because the way the lights are flashing are similar to the flashing lights on a police car. It made me think about how I can be driving along, not worried about anything, see a police car, and immediately get nervous - am I speeding, where is my insurance card, is my registration and inspection up to date? Things that aren't at the forefront of my mind until I see someone who can pull me over for it and give me a ticket. Sometimes I'm that way with God too, only God can see everything all the time. I forget that no matter what, he knows what is going on. I had a discussion with a group of ladies at a Bible Study recently, and the question was raised "What would you do if Jesus showed up in your family room?" My first thought was panic, thinking about what my family room looked like at the moment. One of the ladies gently reminded me, that Jesus already knows what my house looks like. He also knows the condition of my heart, my thoughts, and loves me anyway! But I am convicted to live more in line with what God wants from me, to strive towards a life that reflects Him!

I'm not sure if Madison will be allowed to wear her shoes in the truck anymore, but they sure are cute!

Being Prepared

I absolutely love reading Proverbs 31. The Proverbs 31 woman is an example of what God wants me to strive for as a wife and mom. Isn't it nice to have a guide, right in front of us, to help us along the way!

One verse was highlighted for me last week in the midst of the "winter storm". We were getting ready for some ice and snow. I'm NOT a fan of cold weather and will do whatever I can to not have to go out in it. So as soon as I saw the forecast, I made a grocery list for the rest of the week. I did not want to have to go out for anything. Typically, I have trouble thinking ahead past that day's meals, but in my desire to not have to go out, I made myself plan our meals. What a joy it was to know that I had everything we would need, and that me and my precious children could stay in for those few days. The verse that comes to mind is Proverbs 31: 21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her her household are clothed in scarlet.
I know it doesn't specifically talk about having the needed supplies for meals, but it spoke to me just the same. I wasn't afraid of the weather coming in because I was prepared. Verse 25 says: and she laughs at the the time to come. I was able to sit back, watch the weather forecast, and be content and at peace.

So that made me think, "Why don't I do this all the time?". What would life be like if I planned my meals and did one grocery shopping trip a week, on a planned day? How would it feel to wake up each morning, knowing that I had what we needed for the day, and that I wasn't going to be running to the store? (Or McDonalds!) So, now my goal is to write that meal plan and plan my grocery shopping, right down to every Capri Sun and bag of chips we will need.

I've been reading a book by Kim Brenneman called Large Family Logistics, The Art and Science of Managing the Large Family. My family is not considered large, but this book will speak to women with all sizes of families, from 2 kids to 20! Check it out if you get a chance!

So Cold!

I do not like the cold weather. Johnny learned early on while we were dating, that you don't talk to me when I'm cold. I much prefer a Texas summer day, heat and all, to these cold days we've been having. And yes, I will still feel this way this summer when I'm at a swim meet with the kids.

Yesterday morning, I had some errands to run. It was 46 degrees outside, horribly cold, but still manageable for the short amount of time I was going to be out. We came back home, and went about our day. I didn't check the weather during this time. Chess club was that afternoon, and as we are walking out, I remind the kids to get their jackets, and put one on Madison. We walk out and are hit with a blast of cold air that feels much more uncomfortable than it did at 10:00 that morning. I run back in and get Madison's heavier coat, and suggest to the boys that they get theirs. But I didn't take the time to get my heavier jacket. I was in a hurry and didn't wan't to take that extra few seconds to grab it. That cost me big time because now I wasn't prepared. The jacket I had on, while cutting the chill a bit, wasn't going to provide the protection from the cold that my bigger one would. Where else in my life do I take shortcuts? I have the opportunity each morning to meet with God, read His Word and receive the nourishment that will sustain me for the rest of my day. I can rush through that time, but might miss something important that He wants me to know. Taking my time will give me the protection of my "bigger coat". May I take that time each day to be prepared for whatever the world will bring.

Skating

Well, yesterday was our Homeschool Valentines Party at the Skating Rink. Ryan and Justin went immediately to get their skates, while I put the valentines and candy in the big bins with all the others. By the time I got Madison's skates on her, the boys were ready to skate. I see Ryan zip past me wearing rollerblades. This was the first time he tried those and he looked like a pro. He definitely didn't get that skill from me. I tried rollerblades once when I was in my late twenties. I've blocked much of that traumatic event, but seem to recall clinging for dear life to a street sign pole at the corner of Kingwood Drive and West Lake Houston, quite sure that at any moment, I was going to roll out into traffic. That was the end of my very short career as a rollerblader.

How easy it is sometimes to give up on something because it seems too hard or too scary. But sometimes, we just need to trust God and know that even in the fear and difficulty, He is there with us. Where in my life do I need to "let go of the street sign" and "skate" with God?

Trying this again

So, last night, Johnny asked if I had blogged lately. Umm, no, not in over a year. Oops! So here I am, once again, attempting to blog.

Homeschooling is going great. We are involved in many activities with other homeschoolers, which is wonderful. Today we are headed to a Valentines Skating Party, Ryan has a Bible Study with other boys his age this evening, and I'm getting out tonight with a group of homeschool moms for dinner and fellowship.